No, this is Penn. That stuff wouldn’t go over well here. Maybe at Drexel—but not here. I’m in trouble now.
I was back to square one—and feeling the pressure.
So now you’re probably thinking—if it was gonna be this difficult, why’d I even accept today’s invitation in the first place?
Well, you know my son goes here. That’s a good reason. And I always like to check to see how my money’s being spent.
And I’m sure there’s some parents out there who can relate to what I’m talking about!
And there were other good reasons for me to show up.
Sure, I got an Academy Award… but I never had something called "Magic Meatballs" after waiting in line for half an hour at a food truck.
True, I’ve talked face-to-face with President Obama… but I never met a guy named "Kweeder" who sings bad cover songs at Smokes on a Tuesday night.
Yes, I’ve played a detective battling demons… but I’ve never been to a school in my life where the squirrel population has gone bananas, breaking into the dorm rooms and taking over campus. I think I’ve even seen some carrying books on the way to class!
So I had to be here. I had to come… even though I was afraid I might make a fool of myself.
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