请英语专业人士点评这篇文章。做好能从语法,措辞,逻辑,主题表达上点 ...

发布网友 发布时间：2024-09-27 06:56

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热心网友 时间：7分钟前

看了你的全文，意思很清楚，写得不错！！
有几点建议，请你考虑：

1） Before long, I started to think cautiously and calmly. This kind of thing that can change the world must last for a long time, and already exist at the very beginning of the history of human being.
（合并为一句，用 that 引出宾语从句。即：... to think cautiously and calmly that this kind of thing that can change ...）. 因为 think 后面最好有一个宾语；
2） At the moment of the appearance of human being, people were weak for they did not know anything about more functional tool like knife, gun.
在 knife 与 gun 之间加“or”。即：... tool like knife or gun.
3) It is because of love that the children survived; the old could die in peace; and civilization of the whole world could be derived.
这里的 It is because of love that ... 是什么句型？强调句？也不象。去掉“because of”或“the reason of love that ...”。后面几个句子都用“；”符号，改用“，”，最后一个用“.”号；
4） Because of the love to the poor, people from all over the world come to Africa to help them get out of starvation and diseases.
... people from all over the world come to Africa ...，用过去时态：... people from all over the world came to Africa ...；
5） Because of the love to the ill, medical science developed.
Because of the love to the ill, ... 改为：Because of the love to the patients, ...。不能 love of ill，对吗？
After all, because of love, the whole world is and will always be changing. 去掉“alway”，改为
After all, because of love, the whole world is and will be changing continuously (或 on and on).

由于见不到你的汉语原文，改动不到之处，请别介意。上述改动仅为建议。

热心网友 时间：5分钟前

好！

热心网友 时间：7分钟前

还可以，可我还初中啊